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(no subject) [Apr. 30th, 2006|01:18 pm]
[Current Mood |okayokay]
[Current Music |Watching the Brady Bunch movie]

Wow, I have updated here in almost a year. So... Tim and I are of course still together. (Duh. Have you seen the entries here?) Anyway, we're kinda... getting married on June 8th. So, yay! And Abby was born on September 26th last year, and she's doing really well. So, I guess that's it for now...
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(no subject) [May. 21st, 2005|11:13 am]
[Current Mood |blahblah]
[Current Music |I don't wanna go to work... I'll write a song about it...]

So, the Everclear show was last night, and it kicked major ass. I met Art again, went on stage with him again, and saw Ali. We didn't talk all night until the very end, and even then it was only for a couple of minutes. But, a couple minutes is better than nothing, right? So, that could go nowhere, but we'll see... Anyway, for the people struggling to make certain decisions, and you know who you are, even though we haven't talked in a while, i support what you're doing. People need to worry about their own happiness instead of everyone else sometimes. So, good luck with that. Ok, off to work.

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Not working is good... [May. 17th, 2005|09:05 pm]
[Current Mood |happyhappy]
[Current Music |Everclear- "Volvo Driving Soccer Mom"]

Well, first day of our mini vacation. Haven't done a thing but clean the house a bit, lounge around, and have sex... two times in an hour at one point... yay! At first, being pregnant and all, I mostly didn't even want to be touched on the hand or anything, let alone anywhere remotely "dirty"... but, now things are back to good, so, yay. Being knocked up kicks ass. No, kicking yet, but this child moves around about 23 hours a day. It's very cool. I recommend it for anyone. As for Tim and myself, things are better than ever. We came upon one of those rough patches you hit after being together about a year, but now things are back to normal, and we're at an even deeper stage in our relationship. 'Tis the greatness. I haven't talked to anyone in a long time, hope everyone's doing well, and everyone's happy and in love. Going to see Everclear (for the third time) on Friday, so that will be hip. Anywho, gotta go be lay next to my Timmy and watch some T.V.

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(no subject) [Nov. 6th, 2004|05:15 pm]
[Current Mood |angryangry]
[Current Music |Everclear- Fire Maple Song]

I'm in a mood. I'm in such a fucking mood. I hate everyone. And I know, a couple of you hate me. I don't blame you. I can't say I'm sorry anymore, but what good will it do anyway? I was talking to my stepfather for a couple hours today. It's so wierd, because he hurt me more than anyone ever could, everyday, for many, many years, and all of a sudden, I'm on the phone with my brother, and "He" gets on, and we start talking, and everything comes out. I'm crying, and I told him about me and Tim, and the things I've done to my "friends" that hurt them, and how I feel that my life is going nowhere, and I'm having this complete mental breakdown on the phone with him, and before I knew it, hours had passed, and he'd talked me through a lot of issues. Of course, I didn't tell him the one thing that I've wanted to for years. "Hey, you stupid fuck, don't you realize that I'm like this because of you? You're the reason I can't have a real, stable, healthy relationship. You're the reason that I fuck all these people (OK, My # is 5, but still) And you're the reason that I've fucked all my friends over." From the time he married my mom,he treated me like I was nothing but a peice of ass, a worthless whore, and he always told me that no one would ever love me like he did. Well thank God for that, because I couldn't live through that again. I don't even know why I'm telling you all this, I mean most of you know the basics, but not the details. And I won't go too in depth, because that would be too much right now. I just wish I could have grown up without him in my life, I would be such a different person. Like, the "good me" watches me do all these stupid things, and sits back and shakes her head. God... I'm hungry. I gotta go. I'm sorry. Really, I'm so sorry... most of all, to you. You know who you are.

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(no subject) [Nov. 4th, 2004|09:11 am]
[Current Mood |confusedconfused]
[Current Music |Everclear "Local God"]

So, here's an update. Tim saw my last journal entry, and called me, told me he still loved me, wanted to work things out, and would even move here to be with me. So, pretty much, he's offering me everything that I wanted on a silver platter. But for some reason, I've felt a little hesitant about accepting. Which suprised even me, considering that Tim is everything that I ever thought I would want, and not being with him has been hell. However, there are a couple issues here. For instance, I'm worried that any minute, he might change his mind, and I'm going to be right back where I started after our breakup, emotionally. I can not feel that pain again. CAN'T!!!!!!!! Ever again. Also, Tim does some things, well one thing really, that I have a huge problem with. Which brings me to the question- If you love someone, how much do you put up with to be with them? Even though this is only one thing, I feel pretty strongly about it.If you deal with these things as part of the fact that if you want that person, you have to accept their flaws too, where do you draw the line? When does something become too big of an issue, so big that you would be better off ending the relationship? I don't want that, but I don't know if I can deal with this one. I'm a confused gal. Oh well.
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Where to begin? [Nov. 1st, 2004|11:36 am]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]
[Current Music |Everclear, Your new disease]

Well, Tim and I are broken up. For the sake of me not wanting to argue with him over this, let me say that it was all my fault. Of course it was, it always is. But there are more important things to worry about right now, and I'm so glad for the fact that I work full time, and have the few friends that I do have, not to mention one other thing that has most of my attention. Because, if I didn't have these things to occupy my mind, and I had to focus on the fact that Tim and I aren't together anymore, I think I would go insane. I miss him so much sometimes, and I miss the fact that when something happens that only he would understand, I can't tell him. Sure I can tell Chris, or Ali or something. But those relationships were different in a way that might not let them understand me fully. Tim did. He knows me better than anyone, sometimes he sees things about me that I don't even see. But, here's the saddest part... If Tim is the only person who really knows me, inside and out, and he doesn't want to be with me, what does that mean? I'm finding it hard to hold myself together. Thank God for the five or so people that have been there lately. You have no idea how much those hours on the phone have helped. I don't know where I'd be without you.

And this is to Tim....

Yes I heard about it today, all about your new disease.
This is what you said you wanted, when you walked away from me.

Yes I heard about it today, all about your new romance.
There will always be someone better than me, I guess I never had a chance.
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november 17 2004 9:34 pm [Aug. 28th, 2004|08:51 pm]
november 17 2004 9:34 pm
I have to remember this date for Tim, because a fourtune teller told him something important was going to happen in his life. Since I always forget everything, I have to leave it here... that's all.
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Hmmm.... [Aug. 26th, 2004|01:09 pm]

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla
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"And every breath that is in your lungs is a tiny little gift to me." [Aug. 26th, 2004|10:24 am]
[Current Mood |excitedexcited]
[Current Music |White Stripes- Dead leaves and the dirty ground]

Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground

Dead leaves and the dirty ground
when I know youre not around
shiny tops and soda pops
when I hear your lips make a sound
Thirty notes in the mailbox
will tell you that Im coming home
and I think Im gonna stick around
for a while so youre not alone
If you can hear a piano fall
you can hear me coming down the hall
if I could just hear your pretty voice
I dont think I need to see at all
Soft hair and a velvet tongue
I want to give you what you give to me
and every breath that is in your lungs
is a tiny little gift to me
I didnt feel so bad till the sun went down
then I come home
no one to wrap my arms around
Well any man with a microphone
can tell you what he loves the most
and you know why you love at all
if youre thinking of the holy ghost
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(no subject) [Aug. 26th, 2004|10:07 am]
[Current Mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[Current Music |stupid fucking avril lavigne]

Tim's so gullible... he doesn't realize how much I love him, that I'm so desperate to talk to him, that I make up shit to get him online. I love you baby....
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